My Time hop today had pictures of our past ten Thanksgivings. We have hosted family, friends, NFL football player Rodger Saffold, and guests we didn’t know that had no place to go. We have been in the hospital 3 times. Derek got stitches when he ran into something throwing the ball in the basement. Carson was in the hospital for chemo when he was four, and two years ago when he relapsed and was medi-flighted to St Jude Hospital on Thanksgiving day. We have been in six different states in the last twelve years.
One thing that has always been the same is that we have always been together as a family. Last year was so different without Carson. I didn’t even take any pictures last year, which if you know me, I take pictures all the time and at every event.
This year is even more different, for the first time our oldest son Brendon and his fiance Rachel are hosting Thanksgiving. Instead of getting up early and starting the turkey, I ran 5 miles. Carson is not here with us. So many changes, some good, some hard.
Time doesn’t heal everything but it does help. I don’t cry all the time, and it doesn’t consume my every thought. I laugh and smile and have some great days, but that void is still here. If I think about it too much, it can bring on the sadness. The thing that helps most is knowing that Carson is the lucky one in Heaven. I cry when I see a picture of Carson and then I smile when I think about him enjoying himself at the feet of Jesus. I would be lost without my faith. I try to keep my promise to Carson that we would be okay, and it isn’t always easy, but I know that’s what he would want.
I am blessed to have a great life and I appreciate my many blessings.
Be thankful for what you have because you never know what tomorrow will bring.
Thank you to all my family and friends that still reach out and talk about Carson. While sometimes it might bring a tear to my eyes, it brings more joy than sadness.