I woke this morning at 5:30 and just felt sick. My first thought was that I wish I had woken up at 5:30 in the morning one year ago, the day Carson passed away. Maybe I would have noticed something, maybe it would have saved him. Instead I woke up at 7:00 to a gurgling noise. John heard it first and woke me up. I looked at Carson and his eyes were wide open and my first thought was he looked scared. I soon realized he wasn’t blinking or responding. I called his name twice with no change as he was still making a horrific gurgling sound. I thought maybe he was having a seizure, and yelled in our camper for someone to call 911. For the next 90 minutes I watched as my sons, husband and the medical professionals performed CPR.
For the first few months after Carson passed, I relived this scene over-and-over in my mind, especially while trying to get to sleep. I would always try to erase those horrific moments, and instead think of good thoughts. I try to think of how our family held hands and prayed when the ER doctor said he would have to call it, and Carson stabilized. The ER doctor said it was miraculous and Carson was a real fighter. I am so thankful that we were all together and had time to say good bye. I am thankful that I was able to let him go. That as soon as I told him it was okay to go, he was gone. It comforts me to know that he fought hard to come back to us, that God allowed him to come back to say goodbye, and when I said it was okay to go to Heaven, he left. My heart is heavy and sad from the void of Carson’s presence, but I find joy and peace knowing he had the most amazing year in Heaven.
My heart hurts everyday, I miss my boy!
Carson Gene Higgins-
Heaven 8/11/16 9:03 AM
On Saturday, August 12th at 10:30 AM, at The Bath Community Center located at 1615 N. Cleveland Massillon Road at the pavilions, everyone is invited to join us as we release butterflies in Carson’s memory. We would love for you to share thoughts or memories of Carson. We would love to see people in their CarsonStrong shirts or Carson’s favorite colors blue and green. We will also be painting rocks to hide and share for other kids to find. Additionally, it is important for our family to help carry on Carson’s legacy of paying forward love and generosity. We decided the best way to do this is an annual Carson Higgins Memorial Golf Outing. This year it will be on September 11th at Rosemont Country Club. If you would like to help plan the golf outing, we will be meeting this Sunday at 4:00pm at our house.
The evening before the golf outing, on Sunday, September 10, we are going to be “Celebrity” bartender/cocktail waitress at Ken Stewarts Tre Belle in Bath OH. Both events will be to raise money for Carson’s favorite charities, including: St Jude Children’s Research Hospital, Victory Gallop, Local Boy Scouts, Kids4kids Inc.
More details will follow soon, but if you’re interested in helping with the golf outing, we would love the help. We have never put on a golf outing so we could use lots of help. If you would like to be a sponsor, donate prizes, help volunteer or anything else you can think of please email me at Debbiehigg@aol.com.
Thank you and we look forward to seeing you soon to both grieve together and to celebrate together!